thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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