Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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