Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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