Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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