Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
