new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
