I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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