Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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