In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
