Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
