Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
