I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
