I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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