apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
