so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
