i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
