i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
