Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
