Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
