you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
