when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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