I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
