This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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