Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
