I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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