checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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