Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
