he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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