i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
