I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
