i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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