Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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