So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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