so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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