We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
