I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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