this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
