New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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