If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
