& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
