He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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