How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
