I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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