my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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