I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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