No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
