Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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