The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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