I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
