weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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