You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
